Being an Early Return Missionary

     Have you ever googled, "Early Return Missionary"? It's really not the most uplifting experience. The web is filled with articles and studies of missionaries that return home due to mental or physical illness. Unfortunately most outcomes of such stories online are not that great. They all seem to end with young Elders and Sisters that go inactive and suffer guilt and pain. Since returning home, I have never felt so loved and supported by friends and family and ward members, but being an ERM, I know where that pain comes from.

     I would say the worst day of my life would be Friday, January 24th. I had just finished my third round of truly terrible antibiotics and still wasn't feeling better. It was about 9:30 pm when my mission president called. "Elder Millett, we feel it would be better for you to return home to receive further treatment. Your plane leaves Monday morning at 10:30." Totally not what was I was expecting to hear. I can't say we didn't see it coming but it's just not a call you can actually prepare for. I have never felt so devastated in my life.

     Monday morning arrived and the AP's came to pick me up and take me to the airport. Final goodbyes between companions were said and I left. Dreading what was coming, I asked one of the Assistants who was leaving the next week if this was what it felt like to leave at the end of the full two years. He sat there for a moment then said, "Probably not. I've been able to serve two years and you still have a lot ahead of you. I'm able to leave feeling resolved and prepared to leave, but yours departure is very sudden." That's where the pain came from for me. I had planned on so much more happening on my mission. Don't get me wrong; I had an amazing 7 months, even if I was sick the whole time. Having plans to do so much, and having those plans cut short was hard.

      I arrived home totally unprepared for the next few months just as i feel any ERM would. We begin to feel completely lost. It's easy to feel as if everything is lost. I felt that I didn't have any control, I didn't have a plan. I didn't know where I fit in. I felt as if I failed because I didn't "push through it and keep working". Many people told me I needed to have more faith and everything would be OK; therefore I felt as if I had none. Satan tries to pull us down! I mean, this is his opportunity while we aren't serving to keep us from doing our best. That is where I believe so many of the unfortunate ERM stories come from. I felt all those feelings and more.

     What ultimately makes the difference is hope. It is hope that kept me going; a hope for a happy future I . There is a reason we need faith, hope and charity. We know that we are nothing without charity, and that we must show faith in Jesus Christ. But without hope, we can easily fall into despair. I'm not perfect and many times felt such despair and self-doubt but it was in such moments of darkness that our truly gracious Heavenly Father reminded me to have hope; that all will be well. In the depths of pain and anguish, our Father will always be there. couldn't see but knew was possible through Jesus Christ

    No matter the trial that we pass through, the pain we experience or the anguish we bear, we must always maintain hope. In 2 Nephi 31:20 it says, "Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope." I love that word, brightness! When we have hope -- when we have trust in the Lord that all will be well -- there is that light. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. We are able to find joy in the darkness of trials for we know that it is only for a moment.



     It it with that hope that I am able to return to my mission in Florida! I have been cleared by my doctor to return to service and am working on getting out there, hopefully within a week! They say that 2% of missionaries return early, and only 1% of them return back to the field. That means that out of the 80,000 missionaries, 1600 will come home early and only 16 will go back! I am that 1%!

The Beginning: Mission in Florida

     Hey everyone! What better place to start, than with the reason for the blog! To get going, we need a little backstory!

     Many of my friends know that I just recently returned from serving an LDS Mission in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. I had served almost 7 months when I had to return to take care of some medical issues. Soon after I entered the Mexico MTC in July, I developed the normal stomach issues that most new people to Mexico find themselves bogged down with. The only difference is that after arriving in Florida, the problems didn't go away, they actually worsened. Doctors appointments commenced and testing started. After a couple months, the doctors finally found the problem, and infection called Clostridium Difficile or CDiff for short.
     CDiff is an infection that takes over the digestive system causing the infected to become super sick. Typically, it is a bacteria that everyone comes in contact with but doesn't actually cause infection. There are millions of little bacteria (good and bad) that live in your digestive tract so the CDiff doesn't actually get a chance to grow. A serious case of "Montezuma's Revenge" or a broad

spectrum antibiotic will clean out all of the good bacteria and allow space for the CDiff to grow. Don't worry, it's actually pretty rare to get the infection; it is most common among those of the older generation that spend a great deal of time in hospitals or nursing homes.
     Well, I haven't spent time in either place nor do I consider myself to be of a "mature" age =) It turns out that there is a newer kind of super strain of CDiff that they are calling "Community CDiff" It's still pretty rare but it is infecting healthy young adults. It also seems to be stronger since it doesn't have to clean out the good bacteria first, it just takes over. This strain has an even stronger hold making it tougher to get rid of.
     The tricky thing with CDiff is that it is pretty tough to get rid of and it has a high recurrence rate. There is actually a list of steps to do when the treatment fails. The first time, they give you this medication; the second a different; the third in a different way and so on. After you "beat" the CDiff, you are on a constant watch and almost a fight to keep it away. The reason it is tough is because the infection will create a kind of "shell" around it that keeps the medication from killing it. Instead, the meds will keep it from reproducing and growing and you hope that the existing infection will die off during that time. After treatment, you can feel really good and think you're over it but then it will come back in a month or so.

     There was actually a good month that I felt I was over it, but it came back worse. After three failed attempts at treatment and over a quarter of my mission spent sick in bed, the mission decided to send me back home to receive the rest of treatment and make sure I don't have another recurrence before I return back to serve as as Full Time Missionary, inviting others to come unto Christ!

     So here is the purpose for the blog! I don't share that whole story as a cry for attention or pity; in fact, I can honestly admit that on the mission, you don't even think about the fact that you are sick. You just keep trucking along and find great joy in what you are doing. I have never been happier in my life! Sick or not, I loved it! That is where this blog comes in. If I learned anything on my mission so far, it is to find the awesome, the amazing, the wonderful in whatever you do. No matter how hard or discouraging something seems to be, you can always find awesomeness in it! That is what I hope to do, to share the amazing experiences that occurred, continue to happen, and will come for we can always find joy in the journey. Just as President Thomas S. Monson said, "Let us relish life as we live it, find joy in the journey, and share our love with friends and family." (Finding Joy in the Journey - President Thomas S. Monson Nov. 2008 Ensign)

     Throughout all of this, I have learned that God has a plan for us. I remember talking with a man that told me that he believes that God created the world and us in it, then left it on its own -- that God doesn't intervene, speak, or deal with man. I'm glad that we do have the freedoms to believe and think what we want but I couldn't ever believe that. I have seen the workings of God in my life and I know that He is there. He never leaves us alone. Everything that happens is part of a great plan. "All these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." (Doctrine & Covenants 122:7)